You’re trying so hard. You’re trying so hard to make your life interesting. To make yourself feel good about all that you’re doing. Trying hard to be a part. A part of everything nice. Trying hard to be a part of this world and its ways. You want everything you do to be noticed. To be appreciated. To be counted. You don’t want to be alone. You just want to hold on till the end.
But do you see how much you’re wanting? You want so much from this world which doesn’t owe you anything. Why can’t you just be? JUST BE. Be what you are. Be what you like. Be what you ask for. And just be your real self.
Now I’m sitting here in this corner of the street, under the shade of some shop’s hoarding. I am sitting with myself. I have nothing else. I just have my eyes. And I’m looking at all you people passing by. Have you all seen your faces? They tell me the amount of your life its taking you to hold on! With every step you’re walking, with every phone call you’re picking; I can just see how much you’re trying to keep control. You’re tired, but you are still walking. You’re uncomfortable with your hair open, but you’re not tying it. You feel like crying, but you’re still putting on that blank expression. Why? Do you not know yourself? Don’t you hear yourself? Don’t you want to just accept your true self? What are you denying your reality for? Can’t you just let yourself be?
Okay, so as I am looking, I see all the people who look as uncomfortable in their skin and in their lives as can be. But no, my eyes don’t only stick at you. Now you don’t like to hear that, do you? You’d like to hear that I looked at you and I couldn’t get my eyes off you. You’d like to hear that your beauty was so captivating, or that your life seemed so interesting or that your sad face seemed so sensitive that I kept looking. But here I’m saying that my eyes look away from you. You know why? Its because you are struggling to be or become something that you’re not. You’re running. You’re faking. You’re not looking up at the sky and saying thankyou. You’re just not thankful for being alive, are you? You’re irritated at the traffic. Or you’re irritated at the way someone is sounding. Or you’re probably irritated because you’re sweating and it is spoiling your make up. Or irritated at the way you’re not looking as good as you’d want to today in that piece of clothing. And I’m still sitting here passing my eyes through all these faces. I’m sitting here with my legs cut till my knees and a missing hand. But you know what? I’m smiling. Not at any of your faces. I’m smiling at God. I find Him always looking at me. And I’m smiling at how God is next looking at you while you’re still struggling to be somewhere. I’m looking at God, who’s smiling at you wondering when you’d do the same. And I’m smiling at every man whom you never notice. Or at the one who never puts up a striking get up to attract your shallow eyes. I’m looking at all those people walking with bent shoulders and soft steps just so that your blind eyes won’t look at them and make fun of how ragged they look; or maybe at just how simple they look.
Yes, I’m watching such men. Because they remind me of God. In the way they’re walking calmly going unnoticed by the crowd. Yes, that’s how God is. Maybe that is why you don’t remember Him or think of Him. Maybe that is why you never say thankyou to Him. Maybe you just don’t call yourself lucky, do you? Maybe your two hands and two legs don’t seem good enough to be thankful for? And maybe that is why you feel the need for other things to feel happy or lucky enough about. Maybe you don’t even feel lucky about being able to talk and express. Did you know the dog sitting next to me can’t ?
I guess you’re only angry. Not about the world and its ways. But angry about yourself. You’re perhaps angry at how shallow your life is becoming. But why don’t you just be today? Maybe you could smile today? Smile at yourself, smile at God today? Smile at the people around you today? Smile at the sky above you today? Maybe you could just feel happy about being able to walk today and for not having to crawl like me today? Maybe you could just smile at your life today? Maybe you could just feel happy about not dying today.